“Vocation is the thing you can’t not do.”

- Parker J. Palmer - 

What did he say?

I hit ‘rewind’ on the podcast to hear Parker’s words again: ‘Vocation is the thing that you can’t not do.’

For some time, the pull #FindingOurselves had felt almost gravitational and I had been struggling; wondering how to manage an urge that seemed intent on shifting my life around again and opening up a third or, maybe, fourth ‘career. Couldn’t I just settle and, for once, make the most of a well paid and mostly satisfying profession as I cruised through the years I had left? But this time it felt different, rather than a need for achievement, money or status, those conventional success markers of the Western world, I was feeling something deeper, an ‘in the bones’ experience.

Change has always fascinated me. I’ve put myself through it a few times; from working as a freelance photographer to spending 20 years as a fighter pilot, then completing a doctorate in change and working as a consultant and academic in a business school. My early life life had been fairly turbulent. A child of divorced parents, I left my own trail of broken adult relationships and, mostly as a consequence of military service, experienced too many bereavements. Yet, looking back, I felt that I had overcome these difficulties. With a happy, secure marriage and kids on their way to university, I thought I had it all organised and could evidently deal with any of the stress and strain that life could throw at me.

So, a devastating burnout took me by surprise.

Questions of meaning and purpose have always bubbled close to the surface but never more so than when my ‘dream job’ left me utterly exhausted, anxious, depressed and medicated. I had discharged my duties well, achieved the tasks asked of me and maintained some sort of integrity in difficult circumstances but at the cost of both my physical and mental wellbeing. My patchy recovery took almost 5 years of determined effort - ironically working hard at not working hard - attending to prescriptions for exercise, creativity and therapy while slowly going back to work. But it took a while for me to realise there was no going back to the ‘good old days’ of feeling on top of my job, sure of both myself and my place in the world. The realisation that we can spend the whole of our lives building the ladder of success, only to find it leaning against the wrong wall is a painful discovery.

Richard Rohr borrows from Carl Jung when he speaks of the transition between the ‘two halves of life:’

“The supposed achievements of the first half of life have to fall apart and show themselves to be wanting in some way, or we will not move further. Why would we?

Normally, a job, a fortune, or reputation has to be lost, a death has to be suffered, a house has to be flooded, or a disease has to be endured.”

Throughout my slow often elusive rehabilitation, I began to ride my bike again, cycling through the country landscapes around my home. I picked up my cameras, making mundane images of my everyday world as I schooled myself into creative recovery. I continued in my academic work, supporting inspirational doctoral candidates who were tackling their own questions of meaning, change and purpose. But despite regular writing, cycling and photographing, much stayed the same.

And yet in other ways everything was different. As I began to find my way, I would be confronted by moments of insight, tiny epiphanies that helped me make sense of a new world and let me piece together some of the clues from my past. If only momentarily, I found myself living in the world and my life, rather than seeking to dominate it, and there was the slow emergence of a renewed sense of identity where, rather than just cognitively understanding ideas of organisation, ecology and participation, I could feel them deep inside me.

From shaky beginnings, the curious educator in me has continued to develop some of the ideas, philosophies and practices that support us as we locate ourselves in the second half of our lives. Clearly, I am standing on the shoulders of giants as I do this work though now, more than ever, we need more people prepared to be elders, to help others feel safe and needed, to provide appreciation and perspective, people who might offer voice and contribution but no longer need to stand out or seek to be better than anyone else.

I hope that #FindingOurselves will become a place of community and resource, where we can inquire together into the nature of what is being asked of us in the second half of life. Where we can support each other to find the alternative perspectives and realities that will let us live, wisely, humbly, in service of our world and all of those living alongside us.

Winding my way back to the podcast, I guess that #FindingOurselves is a vocation; it feels like the thing that I can’t not do.

I hope you’ll join me.

Steve

“…offering witness to shifts in image, vision and identity…”

“Thank you for walking alongside and helping me to see differently.” (Mentoring Client)

“Steve’s work never fails to cut straight through to my heart and soul.” (HR Director)

“Global & deep personal themes of power, being open, exploring assumptions, trust and relationship. Thanks for the provocation.” (OD Consultant)

“This caused me to pause, to inhale, exhale and hope for more. Beautiful and timely as ever…” (HR Director)

.....he finds a way to show people as he sees them, in all their beauty and humanity.  His pictures are potent because he gives us an image of ourselves not normally available to us." (John Higgins, co-editor, “The Change Doctors”)

Corporate Clients

You can download my current ‘corporate’ CV here.

Over the years, I’ve worked with clients across a range of disciplines and in a variety of settings: large groups, small teams or 1 to 1; on-line or face-to-face.

Ashridge, Audit Scotland

BAE Systems, Barnsley MBC, BP, BT

Coca-Cola Enterprises, Cranfield University

Defence Aviation Safety Centre, Durham University

Euro F-H (Hamburg), Essex CC

First Ascent Group, Foreign and Commonwealth Office, Forum for the Future

Global Generation, Glow Innovation

Hamad Medical Corporation, Health Scotland, Hult International Business School

ICRC, Ipsen

John-Peck.com, Johnson Controls Inc

Kingston Smith LLP

Lincoln University

Management Futures, Mental Health and Justice, Metropolitan Police

NATO, Network Rail, Newcastle University, NHS (NSS), Nokia, NTT(Data)

PwC

Ringrose Law

Tedder Academy of Leadership (RAF)

Sadara, Sheffield Children's Fund, Siemens, Sinopec, Swiss Re

The Foreign Office, The Home Office, The Institute of Human Genetics, The Ministry of Defence, The Prince's Trust

UKHO

WaterAid

York University